get 'em right now, the best lame jokes evah!
Here are the Newest Jokes!
What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
Open-toad sandals
Why do melons have weddings?
They cantelope.
What do you call a French man wearing sandals?
Philipe Fallop
What do call a criminal landing an airplane?
Condescending
What do you call a snobbish criminal going downstairs?
A condescending con descending
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck
What do you call an elephant in a telephone booth?
Stuck
How does the ocean say hi?
It waves!
What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho cheese
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?
An irrelephant
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
What's a robot's favorite snack?
Computer chips
What did the fish say when he hit the wall?
Dam
What do biologists wear to work on Casual Fridays?
Genes
What do prisoners use to call each other?
Cell phones
How does Darth Vader like his toast?
On the dark side
There’s been an explosion at a cheese factory in Paris.
There’s nothing left but de Brie.
What type of magazines do cows read?
Cattlelogs
What do you call a group of musical whales?
An orca-stra
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work.
What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap music
What kind of music do bubbles hate?
Pop
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?
Sneakers
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced?
A buck an ear
What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?
An in-vest-i-gator
Did you hear about the cowboy who adopted a dachshund?
He just wanted to get a long, little doggy.
Why do Peruvian owls fly in pairs?
Because they're Inca hoots.
Where do they send bad rainbows?
Prism.
They get a light sentence, though.
It gives them time to reflect.
What do you call a mansplaining amphibian?
A well-actuallotl
What color is the wind?
Blew
Which nut is the angriest?
Pissed-achio
How does Moses make tea?
Hebrews it
What do you get when you cross a mosquito and a mountain climber?
You can't cross a vector with a scalar.
What do you call a sad coffee?
A depresso
What do you call a chilly cephalopod?
Coolamari.
What do you call two octopuses that look the same?
Itentacle.
What should you do if you’re addicted to seaweed?
Sea kelp.
A photon checks into a hotel, and the staff asks if they need help with any bags?
The photon says “No, I’m travelling light”.
Why are the grasshoppers all cultists?
Because they're in sects.
Why don’t oysters share their pearls?
Because they're shellfish.
Why can’t a leopard hide?
Because he’s always spotted.
What did the physicist say when he found two isotopes of helium?
HeHe
Why don't ants get sick?
Because they're full of antibodies!
How often should you tell a chemistry joke?
Periodically
What is Iron's favorite ride?
A ferrous wheel
What’s a physicist’s favorite food?
Fission chips!
Why can’t a fallen paladin walk straight?
He’s out of alignment.
Why do rogues prefer leather armor?
Because it’s made of hide.
What do you call a weak barefoot druid who’s been cursed with bad breath?
A super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis.
Why do paladins prefer chain mail?
Because it’s holey armor.
Why don’t dragons eat paladins?
Because they taste lawful.
What forest animal helps the druid get that nice green color for their robe?
A Dyer Wolf!
Why are dwarves such good stone workers?
Because they never take anything for granite.
What is the favorite food of a beholder?
Eyes Cream
How do you catch incorporeals?
With an ethernet.
Why did the barbarian mug the bard?
So he could take the lute!