I noticed she just wasn't herself Thursday morning, although she did eat a little breakfast. But she was lethargic and seemed to be breathing kind of hard. The vet didn't have any appointments that day, the next available one was late Friday afternoon. I took it but, as the day progressed, her breathing became more labored and she looked more uncomfortable. Late Thursday night I finally came to the conclusion that I had to bring her in. It wasn't right to let her be like this until her vet appointment and I was also pretty sure this wasn't something that could be fixed.

Sometimes the emergency vet is just like the human ER - you could end up waiting for a long time. But they saw her pretty quick since it was a breathing issue. After taking a look at her the vet said there was a lot of fluid around her lungs, which was causing her breathing issues. This was most likely just a progression of her cancer, although there was a slight possibility it could be some kind of heart disease issue. Back in November her vet guessed she might have 3-4 months left. She didn't quite make that but it was time to let her go. The vet offered to drain some of that fluid to make Maya more comfortable and give me an extra day or two with her in case I wasn't ready to say good-bye yet. But I felt that any kind of medical intervention would have been so I could have had her longer and would have just caused her more discomfort and it wouldn't have been fair to her.

The facility has a special room for clients going through the euthanasia prcocess. There was a padded bench, a soft couch, low lighting and gentle music. And lots of tissues. They took care of the final arrangements first - payment and what to do with Maya afterwards. The 3 options were: bring her body back home; have a communal cremation (her body would be cremated with others) where I would NOT get her ashes back but I would get a clay pawprint; or a private cremation where I would get both her ashes and her pawprint. I chose the second option - no ashes, just a clay pawprint.

After taking care of those arrangmements, that person left and the vet came in with Maya. She was bundled up in a soft blanket and she had a catheter in her front leg with a lot of tubing attached to it. I have always been with my kitties during the euthanasia process but this is the first time I got to hold them while they went. Usually they are on the exam table with the vet on one side and me on the other, kind of cuddling but not actually holding. Before that, though, they left me alone with Maya so we could say goodbye. They gave me a button to push when I was ready for them to come back. I had taken the day off work for other reasons so I was actually home with her all that day and I kind of felt like I had spent all day already saying goodbye. But I spent about 20 minutes holding her, loving her, and telling her what a brave, wonderful kitty she was.

When I was ready I pushed the button and the vet came in shortly with the drugs. Euthanasia, at least in my experience, is a two-step process. First a sedative is administered so your pet is calm and relaxed. Then the actual euthanasia solution is administered. The extra long tubing they used with her catheter allowed me to keep holding her while the vet sat across from us and gave the drugs. It didn't take very long at all from that point. The vet checked for a heart beat and let me know it had stopped. Then she gently took Maya from me.

There is now a Maya-shaped hole in my heart. She had such a big personality and I will miss my sweet girl so, so much!